The Match | Listening
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Word: Listening
Sentence:
When we only hear, we feel for someone; when we truly listen, we feel with them.
Passage:
We are often so caught up in our own problems and how they make us feel that we rarely quiet our minds long enough for others. Listening has been the hardest thing I’ve had to learn as a dad, a husband, and a leader because it requires putting myself aside. For years, my listening was selective. I only heard what I wanted to hear, not the truth. I thought leadership meant proving myself by having all the answers. What I discovered was the opposite: the real work began when I stopped talking and started listening.
When we choose to listen, we don’t just hear problems, we uncover possibilities and build deeper connections with others. Real listening is radical. It’s where authentic leadership and empathy begins. More than anything, we must learn that listening is our greatest tool.
Your Turn:
Where in your life or leadership do you need to stop talking and start listening?
Tell me how this shows up in your leadership—I’m here for the conversation.
5 Comments
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5 Comments
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on September 20, 2025 at 12:41 pm
My best friend was diagnosed with stomach cancer a few years ago – a very scary and expected event. He was the founding principal of a charter school, his wife a teacher, with two children under the age of ten. He was the best man at my wedding; I had known him for twenty years and we were in our early 40s – this was not a part of the script. I remember feeling so inadequate when he told me the news and in the weeks afterward, unsure of what to say, how to react, wanting to show support and concern. As a former principal myself, I defaulted into “solve the problem” mode, and I struggled because this was something for which there was no solution I could ever identify much less implement.
It was around this time that my mom shared the idea of ‘ministry of presence’ with me, an idea often associated with religious practices and mentioned in the training of clergy. I helped me understand that by showing up and, by the nature of being present and alongside the person who needs you, you are doing what is needed. In reading The Match this week, I was reminded of this idea…it connects for me in that we don’t always have to be in ‘problem solver’ mode (which as school leaders we are wired to do). There are times when being there, being present, and listening is all that is required. I’m glad to report my friend’s cancer has been in remission for several years – that’s the best news of all.
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on September 20, 2025 at 1:08 pm
Thank you for sharing this story Mike. So honest, so real, and so full of love for your friend. What you wrote captures something so many of us wrestle with as leaders, friends, and family: the instinct to jump into “solve the problem” mode when the real gift is simply showing up. I love how you connected listening with the “ministry of presence” — that phrase is such a powerful reminder that presence itself is healing.
I’m grateful your friend is now in remission, and I’m grateful you shared this here. Stories like yours remind us that leadership, at its heart, isn’t about always having answers. It’s about being willing to be present with people in their hardest moments.
Your post really deeply resonated with me and thank you for sharing it.
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on October 2, 2025 at 9:41 pm
Power!
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Listening requires self control align with emotional intelligence. Getting better calmed me.
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It’s one of the most difficult things for people to do, and it’s something that I wasn’t taught how to do until much later in life. Even now, I have to intentionally stop and pause and prepare to listen so I can truly focus on the person and what they are saying and not trying to think about my response or feelings to what they are saying. It’s so hard. I’ve heard people say, “Listen to understand, not to respond.” But it’s still really hard to do especially when the emotions are high.
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My best friend was diagnosed with stomach cancer a few years ago – a very scary and expected event. He was the founding principal of a charter school, his wife a teacher, with two children under the age of ten. He was the best man at my wedding; I had known him for twenty years and we were in our early 40s – this was not a part of the script. I remember feeling so inadequate when he told me the news and in the weeks afterward, unsure of what to say, how to react, wanting to show support and concern. As a former principal myself, I defaulted into “solve the problem” mode, and I struggled because this was something for which there was no solution I could ever identify much less implement.
It was around this time that my mom shared the idea of ‘ministry of presence’ with me, an idea often associated with religious practices and mentioned in the training of clergy. I helped me understand that by showing up and, by the nature of being present and alongside the person who needs you, you are doing what is needed. In reading The Match this week, I was reminded of this idea…it connects for me in that we don’t always have to be in ‘problem solver’ mode (which as school leaders we are wired to do). There are times when being there, being present, and listening is all that is required. I’m glad to report my friend’s cancer has been in remission for several years – that’s the best news of all.
Thank you for sharing this story Mike. So honest, so real, and so full of love for your friend. What you wrote captures something so many of us wrestle with as leaders, friends, and family: the instinct to jump into “solve the problem” mode when the real gift is simply showing up. I love how you connected listening with the “ministry of presence” — that phrase is such a powerful reminder that presence itself is healing.
I’m grateful your friend is now in remission, and I’m grateful you shared this here. Stories like yours remind us that leadership, at its heart, isn’t about always having answers. It’s about being willing to be present with people in their hardest moments.
Your post really deeply resonated with me and thank you for sharing it.
Power!
Listening requires self control align with emotional intelligence. Getting better calmed me.
It’s one of the most difficult things for people to do, and it’s something that I wasn’t taught how to do until much later in life. Even now, I have to intentionally stop and pause and prepare to listen so I can truly focus on the person and what they are saying and not trying to think about my response or feelings to what they are saying. It’s so hard. I’ve heard people say, “Listen to understand, not to respond.” But it’s still really hard to do especially when the emotions are high.